i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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