So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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