I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We smell like vodka and hangover
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