I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
