But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
