What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
