sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
