see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
