I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
from now on my penis is your penis
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
