we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
