I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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