you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's blow job season.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
