I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
