I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
