I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
