the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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