she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
