She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
