you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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