this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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