it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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