Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize