OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
