It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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