New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
