we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
