my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
