He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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