Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize