If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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