ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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