I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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