Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
