When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize