the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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