This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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