it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
