Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She is in my trunk
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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