Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
