i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize