there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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