Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
