You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You need a sexual gate keeper
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
