Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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