I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
