I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
