im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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