I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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