i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize