the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize