I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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