Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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