Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
