He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
