Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
