Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
