My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
