Pants 0. Shit 1.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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