Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
