I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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