You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
