from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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