I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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